Starbucks

There are a million things going on through my head. I have a date with my bed tonight,  settlement statements and title commitments I will have to type tomorrow , and my kids and moving boxes and studying  for  my title producer test….car inspection,  need to check on the family in VA and get with kid’s father for a brain storming session at our favorite music studio.  

An important relationship ended a few weeks ago and it was pretty hard to deal with.  I stewed about for a week and finally just wrote a letter for closure. I don’t anticipate that we will speak again, but I know that I put my feelings out there. There is nothing I can do.  It is a damn shame.  I have an account on Facebook and I ran across a picture from fall of 2010. I had just met my lover and we were just friends. We were uncomplicated then. In that picture, I was sincerely happy.  It is a good memory, so I posted it.

Tonight, I had a great conversation with a friend over coffee at Starbucks. It was chilly, but we sat outside and talked about life and stared at the moon.  Life is so funny sometimes even after you put where you have been, where you are and where you want to go in perspective.  It seems like when things truly began to fall apart for me financially, romantically, emotionally and physically and I quit my bitching and crying; things finally start to fall together. It is bittersweet. Taking this time to be alone is imperative before I get involved in a relationship in the future.  It is like I have to add my needs to my priority list too and not use the people closest to me as an emotional punching bag instead of disclosing my fears rationally. It is like I briefly turned into a pansy for four years and I…the stronger, focused but carefree person has reemerged.

Thinking of my kids right now. They are the best children filled with love and awe. Since I have adjusted my attitude, they both seem calmer…serene. Cooperative.